Dear Me…

I was reading a thread on a forum I belong too and the OP challenged us all to write a letter to ourselves at 17. If we knew then what we know now or could have a “do-over” what would we say/do? What wisdom have we gleaned from our life experiences that would have really helped us back then? What silly things did we hold fast to, that weren’t worth the effort?

I thought it was an interesting idea and there are certainly a lot of insights I have now that I didn’t have at seventeen. While I am a big believer that your experiences, both good and bad, form who you are and shouldn’t be regretted- it’s really amazing to reflect on what you would change if you could. So here goes it…

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Dear Me at Seventeen,

First of all, I love you. I don’t even think you fully know what a gift that is yet, but you will. I recognize your value and your worth as a human being. I recognize that God makes no mistakes and he made you the way you are for a purpose.

You are smart, really smart and that is not a bad thing. Stop dumbing yourself down for people who you won’t ever see after highschool. University is meant for studying, not partying. If you miss that memo you will forever regret it.

Follow your passions. Never lose your creativity or love of dance and worship. Opportunities will present themselves if you seek after them. Remember when you move away from home and try to find a church- to seek God and not the church itself. You may never find a church like CBC, but you will find something just as good (just different) if you have a heart to find God.

Watch your mouth. Your sarcasm may get a few laughs but it cuts people more than you know. BE funny, but not at other people’s expense. You love to laugh- and your sense of humour will help you deal with unimaginable pain.

You have had a Cinderella complex in the past- get over it! Not every man is going to be Prince Charming. You need to tell someone about how that ex abused you and you need to NEVER allow anyone to make you feel that small again. Men are not toys, even though you can play them, you will break at least one heart and you will always regret that.

You will find love, at seventeen, and if you stay faithful to him he will never lead you astray. You are actually dating your future husband, treat him accordingly.

The world is not black and white. There is not always clearly defined lines of “right” and “wrong”. It’s ok to not pick a side, sometimes.

Your faith is your foundation. If you let it crack it will weaken your identity.

Don’t let people’s opinions of you affect your opinion of yourself. Stop lying, they know when your full of crap.

Get out of negative friendships. You have one person in particular who will wound you so deeply that you will spend years trying to rid yourself of the bitterness. You don’t need to pour yourself out to her only to be rejected, betrayed and misled. You cannot allow her to steal your joy. Ask for help and confront the situation with someone else present.

Beauty is not only found within, it is created within. You are blessed enough to be beautiful on the outside too. I know you don’t feel that way and every pimple and bulgy bit of skin seems repugnant to you- but you are really beautiful. Enjoy being skinny- it doesn’t last!

You will one day be appreciated for your listening and heartfelt wisdom. You will learn more about people if you do not judge them. You will gain many lifelong friendships by just listening when they need it.

Drama does not always equal interest. There are better ways to fill your time.

You are an old soul in a young body- celebrate that. Celebrate that you have a headstart on other people instead of being embarassed.

Invest in a little company called Starbucks and another called Google- it’s a goooood idea.

Love always, Yourself

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So I challenge you, my very few readers, to write a letter to yourself at 17. Or even write one now to yourself at 30, 40 or 50. It’s interesting and revealing!

And she’s on a roll folks!

So I am a big giant cheater pants and I found this Meme on PluckyMomma’s blog today and I decided that it would make a good edition to my 100 Things continuation.

61) Who is your significant other? Andre

62) How long have you been together? Known for 7 years, together for 5 1/2 years and married for 1 1/2 (you can tell I’m still a newlywed because the HALF is very important!)

63) Dating/Engaged/Married? Hitched

64) How old is your S.O.? 23

65) What’s his/her middle name? Dalton after his Great-Grandfather 

66) Who eats more? Him. More and waaaayy faster too!

67) Who says “I love you” first? Both

6 Who weighs more? *sigh* Me

69) Who sings better? I think I do but he’s pretty good too. I’ve just had the training and whatnot.

70) Who’s older? Him.

71) Who’s smarter? I’m not really sure. We’re both pretty smart. He excels in math and physics but I could kick him booty in English and History stuff.

72) Whose temper is worse? It’s not that mine is WORSE, it’s just faster!

73) Who does the laundry? Both

74) Who does the dishes? Him. I hate dishes with a firey passion.

75) Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? He does.

76) Whose feet are bigger? His.

77) Whose hair is longer? Bahaha! I just got a visual of him with my hair *spew!*. Mine is much longer thankfully.

7 Who’s better with the computer? He is… my very own lil nerd! I’m better with stuff like Excel and whatnot but he can do anything and everything else!

79) Who mows the lawn? The City. Mostly because my “backyard” is a park.

80) Who pays the bills? Me mainly. We both do it but I am the Budget MASTER!!

81) Who cooks dinner? He does. I am spoiled!!

82) Who drives when you are together? I don’t have a license cuz I am a loser- so uhhh he does!

83) Who pays when you go out to dinner? Me usually. Well “we” do cuz it’s all the same moolah but I usually get up and do the button punching.

84) Who’s the most stubborn? We are both mules! I am more vocal about being stubborn but good lord- he is just as bad as me!

85) Who is the first one to admit when they’re wrong? I think I am. But he’s also getting better about it.

86) Whose parents do you see more? His. Mine live further away.

87) Who named your dog? We both did. His name is Baloo.

8 Who kisses who first? Oooooh tough one. Tied I think!

89) Who asked who out? He asked me out

90) Who’s more sensitive? Me, me, me, me, me!

91) Who’s taller? He’s got an inch or two on me

92) Who has more friends? I do- but we share friends.

93) Who has more siblings? He does. He has 3 and I have 2

94) Who wears the pants in the relationship? I think our relationship is pretty “pantsless” for the most part. But I am definately more decisive than he is and therefore if we need direction I’m usually the one to provide it.

Oh yes- the details keep coming…

41) My favorite holiday is Christmas

42) I remember my childhood vividly- even bits of being very very young. I remember sounds and smells and things people were wearing, far more than the actually experience.

43) It breaks my heart that I lost all of my Grandparents when I was young. I consider it a gift that I have no negative memories about them

44) My brother has very serious epilepsy and I worry about it a lot

45) I think music is how God speaks to me.

46) I have always wanted a tattoo of angel wings on my back. I think I have now changed my mind- and I’m glad I never did it.

47) I have a serious metal allergy and even react to the buttons on my pants

4 I was stabbed in highschool… and I blocked the entire experience out of my head. I didn’t tell anyone it happened and I didn’t go to the doctor. It wasn’t till months later that my mother walked in on me changing and noticed the infected wound that I got medical attention. I still can’t remember anything about how it happened.

49) My mother couldn’t have children- I am her miracle baby.

50) My soup blew up in the microwave today at work and I am mighty PO’d about it.

51) If I could change anything about my wedding day- I wouldn’t.

52) I love the childhood I had but I wish my siblings were a part of it.

53) I want to move to England at some point.

54) I love to write poetry, verse and prose. If I could have any job in the world I would be a singer/songwriter

55) My mother dreamt about my future husband when I was a little girl. It was so powerful, she wrote the dream down but she wouldn’t tell me any details about it at all. After I was engaged, she let me read it. In the dream she sees me and my future husband walking hand and hand down a beach at sunset. My DH proposed at sunset on a beach- he had never heard anything about her dream. That’s part of the reason I KNEW I was with the right man.

56) When I was little, I had a memory wreath. Every vacation I would save a rock or feather or shell and glue it to the wreath when we returned home. While the wreath itself is kind of ugly- it’s an amazing testament to my childhood.

57) I am making ALL my Christmas presents this year in an effort to thwart materialism.

5 I think I am insane for taking on the projects above

59) It’s hard to think of 100 things about yourself

60) I have the same drink at Starbucks 90% of the time- Grande, Non-Fat, Extra-Hot, Caramel Macchiato.

12 Days of Christmas!

For anyone in the crafting world like me, you’ve probably heard about the gorgeous new paper line. Webster’s pages. If not, check out Terri Conrad Designs and check out her amazing work!

 To get us in the festive spirit, she’s having a ton’o'great giveaways. All you have to do is visit her blog to play along.

Contest starts today!!

The Countdown Continues

21) I think those little finger protectors that help you turn pages are nasty

22) The men I have had the deepest connections to in my life are not usually the physically attractive ones.

23) I pop Advil like it’s candy and haven’t had a day without pain since Grade 6.

24) My SIL doesn’t know that I resent the way she treats me.

25) I am so excited to be a part of my new church.

26) I want to get a “friend” for my dog because I’m scared that he’s lonely.

27) Being a passenger in a car is more frightening than driving.

2 Even when I’m in a lake I always think there MIGHT be sharks in it.

29) A coffee in the morning makes me human.

30) Tea can cure any ailment (blame the British in me).

31) I think I am too old for acne but no one mentioned this to my skin.

32) I have names picked out for my future children and my DH loves them.

33) The second night after we were married, we stayed in the bedroom DIRECTLY across from my parents in a chalet. It was the weirdest feeling ever.

34) I pluck the dark hairs on my DH’s back and he hates it (but lets me do it). They bother me immensely!!

35) I think I have a strange personality in that I am so outgoing and yet I have this big giant sensitive heart that no one sees.

36) I love Christmas so much and yet consistently get disappointed by it.

37) The friends I care about most, are people I haven’t spoken to in a long time.

3 I love working out but I have to fight myself to go.

39) I think I am a funny person, but I couldn’t tell a joke to save my life.

40) I met my DH at summer camp- LAME! lol

And on and on she goes…

Continuing my count of 100 Little Known Facts about Me

11) I cannot drink water out of a glass- it doesn’t feel right. I want it in a bottle.

12) I hated seafood until I met my DH. He was a chef and the first person to make seafood appetizing, it’s now one of my favorite foods.

13) I cannot wear orange or yellow without my skin looking green.

14) I used to sneak my Mum’s 20 year old makeup (I know eeewwww!) because I wasn’t allowed to wear it.

15) I once wrote the F word on a blackboard in school and no one ever found out it was me.

16) I used to hate my middle name and now I treasure it.

17) I find my DH far more attractive now then when we first started dating.

1 I am afraid of having ugly babies.

19) My father wanted to name me Fiona… I am so glad my mother talked some sense into him

20) I love chocolate but I don’t like chocolate cake or  chocolate icecream. Most people think that makes me a nut!

A pocket full of stones…

 

If you’ve ever been around anyone churchy, chances are you’ve heard the poem Footprints. It’s all about a guy walking along a beach (his life). He looks back and during the good times there were two sets of footprints (God and him) and during the rough times he only sees one set of footprints. And this guy gets all and at God and demands to know why he would have left him alone during the hardest times in his life and God assures him that he never left, where there is only one set of footprints, that is God carrying him.

I grew up with this poem and I always thought it was a neat parable. But it got me to thinking, when I look back at the footprints of my life… where have I been? As a child, I collected rocks. Whenever we went to the beach I would spend most of the time looking down at the ground. The ones I wanted to keep I would give to my parents for safe-keeping. Well after twenty or thirty “special” rocks the weight would add up and my parents would start dumping them out when I wasn’t looking. In the same way I have collected rocks through my life. I have picked up pretty ones and not so pretty ones and now they are becoming heavy…

It just struck me how much the past really affects us. How much our childhood experiences taint us for good or bad. For example, a child that is hit so much he thinks its normal will likely grow up to hit out of anger. It’s sad but true. I was raised to be an over-achiever, a perfectionist. Not because my parents were horrible, but because they truly wanted the best out of me. They wanted me to “be all I could be”. I stood out so much in school for being smart. I never was a “nerd” but I was always set apart for my intelligence. Even in highschool, my teachers would make special arrangements for me and set me apart from others. Then I got to university and I became a number. No one cared about my circumstances or who I was. If I didn’t perform like “so” I reaped the consequences! I had such a difficult time staying motivated if no one told me I did a good job. I find it hard to be proud of myself for what I do on its own merit. I feel like if my achievements are unrecognized than I have not achieved anything at all. How pathetic… one more stone in my pocket.

All the stones I carry of broken friendships, fears, misunderstandings and disillusionments weigh me down. My pockets are literally bulging with these dirty, broken stones. If I look closer, I carry some pretty stones too. Like the friend I have an inappropriate attraction too and our memories of old times together. What a pretty memory. The pretty stones are the memories of being skinny and attractive, all the boys I’ve kissed and the juicy, precious moments of my past. Even the pretty ones weigh me down.

My footprints are far deeper than they need to be. When will I become smart enough to dump out my pockets? To empty this mass I have carried so voluntarily? Could my next set of footprints really be lighter? Could I be energized enough to run or skip? I would be much more likely to dance in the sand if I wasn’t so petrified of losing my precious cargo.

What do you carry with you?

One Hundred Things…

So I’ve officially become inspired by Jessica over at Mommy Has Tattoos. She is writing 100 things about herself on her blog as part of an acronym I can’t remember about blogging everyday in November. It’s a cool concept but I think I am far too much of a slacker to write EVERYDAY… and my very limited readership could probably attest to that. However, I think it’s neat to write about yourself. Call it self-involved or what have you, but isn’t that the purpose of blogs? Lately I have become so uninspired it’s been difficult to write anything, perhaps this will serve as my motivation. That said, I am going to write 100 things about me. Some will be boring, some will be heartfelt… all will be true. But I won’t bother you with them all at once.

 1) I am 5′10″ and if one more person tells me “Wow, you’re TALL!” I may have to punch them in the nose.

2) I haven’t seen my natural hair color in almost ten years and I don’t miss it.

3) I worry that my DH deserves someone better than me

4) I am terrible at following through with things. I have amazing ideas, but rarely want to put the work into them to make them successful.

5) I spent this weekend teaching myself how to knit.

6) I am making all my Christmas gifts this year.

7) I have picked out the music to play at my Dad’s funeral and I feel awful about it. Thinking about him dying breaks my heart. (My father is in great health so there is no logic to thinking these thoughts)

8 ) There is only one person in my life I don’t know how to forgive. I don’t think she even knows or cares that I am still broken from it. I don’t know how to forgive someone who won’t even admit they hurt you. I want to learn how…

9) I started dating my DH at 17 years of age… we never broke up.

10) I think my dog believes he’s a human.

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Reasons I Haven’t Written Since LAST Thursday

1) I have actually had a decent week, and since most of my writing is “angsty” I have had very little inspiration.

2) I have been busy at work. This equates to far less time slacking (AKA blogging) and by the time I get home, the last place I want to be is in front of the computer.

3) Facebook- pretty self-explanitory

4) My life is not very interesting

5) I have been on a sugar high for most of the week (thank you Halloween) and will not expose you to my hyper thoughts. Believe me… you’re better off.

6) I have been enjoying the fall weather so much, I don’t need to write about it.

7) My dog demands a lot of my attention and does not understand why on earth I need to stare at a screen when I could be kissing his belly. Sheesh!

8 ) I am lazy

9) I like not HAVING to have this obligation to write. Sure, my readers may dwindle off but my purpose for this blog was never for them. It was for me! (As much as I do love you randoms!!)

10) My burnt fingers still don’t appreciate too much typing.

11) I have been actually TALKING about my feelings instead of writing them.

12) I have spent this week sorting out me and DH’s finances and have discovered that with a lil work, we can be completely debt free in 34 months AND keep a savings. I know- take THAT student loans people!!!

13) It’s easier to write a meme than to come up with something COMPLETELY original!